7 Ways to Show Up and Support Your Chronically Ill Loved One (How To Be Helpful Instead of Hurtful)
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Disclaimers : This is not medical advice or information and based on personal experience living with chronic illnesses. This site contains product affiliate links. We may receive a commission if you make a purchase after clicking on one of these links.
If you’re reading this, chances are someone you care about is struggling with at least one chronic illness. Living with a chronic illness can be a challenging and isolating experience. It can also be difficult for those around the person suffering to know how to support them through this experience. You may even feel upset or confused by your loved one’s behaviour and would like to better understand them. It’s SO incredible that you’ve taken this first step in working toward understanding what your loved one is experiencing, especially if you don’t have personal experience with chronic illness yourself!
In this article, we’ll chat about some strategies for how you can more effectively support your loved one as they navigate their chronic illness.
7 Ways to Support a Chronically Ill Loved One
Keep in mind that this isn’t an exhaustive list! Depending on the relationship you have with this person, you may feel more comfortable asking them questions to further understand their condition and needs. But, if you’re just getting started with understanding how you can support, this is a great place to start!
1. Create a Safe Space
Your loved one isn’t only suffering physical symptoms. Living with chronic illness often also comes with extreme psychological challenges. Create a safe space where they can express their feelings and experiences without judgement. After they tell you about their experience, never convey feelings of skepticism about their symptoms or prognosis.
If you haven’t experienced this disease, you can’t imagine what they’re going through. So the most helpful thing to do is to validate their feelings and offer empathy. Active listening is the quickest way to open a consistent dialogue with your loved one and make them feel heard.
2. Educate Yourself
It’s SO much easier to show empathy if you have a deeper understanding of what your loved one is going through. There are tons of resources at your disposal, and you should be able to find everything you need to know with just a little effort! You’d be surprised how much information you can get from a quick search on the Internet, in chronic illness groups and communities, or even in other blogs dedicated to chronic illness like this one!
If you’re more inclined to read medical literature, PubMed and other databases are excellent resources.
In some cases, it’s super helpful to attend their doctor’s appointments with them. Many people who get diagnosed with chronic illnesses get overwhelmed by all the information and could use a second pair of ears during appointments.
By better understanding the nuances of your loved one’s illness, you’ll be more well equipped to help them — and maybe even anticipate their needs before they communicate them to you.
3. Offer Emotional Support
The emotional burden of living with chronic illness can be as uncomfortable as the physical symptoms. Your loved one may be feeling overwhelmed, isolated, angry, or confused. It is your job to help them navigate these feelings. Those battling chronic illness know that most of the people closest to them do not fully understand what they are going through. And it’s EXTRA frustrating when these people don’t even try to understand how they are feeling.
One way you can avoid this is by showing empathy instead of just sympathizing. In this video, Brené Brown breaks down how to do this and why it is important. She says there are four characteristics of empathy:
Perspective taking
Staying out of judgment
Recognizing emotion
Communicating the recognition
Sympathy is much less focused on the individual’s needs, and comes from a place of pity as opposed to love. Once you understand how your loved one is feeling and what their emotional needs are, you are more well equipped to support them. Some ways to help are offering words of encouragement, sending an inspirational message, or just letting them know you are there if they ever need you!
Not sure exactly what to say? Try these:
“This is hard.”
“I’m here for you.”
“You’re doing your best.”
4. Offer Practical Help
Those suffering from chronic illness often have to deal with symptoms like fatigue and brain fog. They are not always able to do everyday tasks like cooking meals, running errands, or household chores.
Communicate with your loved one and ask them if they are having trouble that day and if there is anything they might need help with. They might feel like a burden for requiring your assistance, so remind them how much you love them and you are willing to help as much as necessary.
Better yet, tackle some of their to-do list on your own so they don’t have to ask!
5. Regular Check Ins
Battling illness is physically and mentally isolating, and your loved one is likely to feel lonely and disconnected from others. Help fight that feeling by checking in regularly. Let them know that you are thinking about them and ask how they are doing. You can shoot a text, make a phone call, or drop by and see them in person!
If you can, communicate with your loved one in the way they feel most comfortable. A great way to do this is by finding out their love language and using it to better connect with them!
6. Respect Their Boundaries
Consistently offering support is super important, but your loved one will also have some boundaries you’ll have to honor. It’s easy to get caught up in your support for them, but sometimes they might not need or want your help.
Good days may be few and far between for those with a chronic illness, and doing things for themselves can create a sense of pride and provide positive momentum for them psychologically.
Just remember to communicate and create that safe space for them. As long as you listen to and respect the needs of your loved one, you are doing the right thing!
7. Be Patient
Your loved one will live with this illness for the rest of their life. It’s definitely a wild journey! You’ll both feel frustrated at times, but it is important to be patient with them and understand that there will be ebbs and flows in their condition, your relationship with them, and how much effort you need to put into supporting them.
Offering support is great, but make sure to never put any pressure on your loved one to be more proactive or positive before they’re ready. Everyone deals with chronic illness at their own pace, so just remember that you’re both doing your best!
Supporting a loved one with a chronic illness can be challenging, but it's also one of the most important things you can do. By offering practical and emotional support, educating yourself, and being patient and understanding, you can help your loved one navigate this difficult time.
If you’d LOVE to make a bigger impact in a chronically ill loved one’s life, you can gift them a spot in our group coaching program, Chronically Fulfilled Life! It’s the best solution for chronically ill warriors who want to find a like-minded community, streamline their lives, and feel empowered by what they CAN do instead of focus on their limitations.
